her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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