So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
