i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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