When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
