I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
