running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
