my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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