forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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