Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
