guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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