Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
