I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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