She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
