Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
