i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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