I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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