i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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