Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
