My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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