I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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