yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
