just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
ttyl tear gas
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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