dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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