I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
