I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
