It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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