did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
