We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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