So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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