No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My feet surprised me
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