Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
