just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize