I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
