Kiss
Puke
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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