She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
