she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
