i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
