I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This couple is walking their pig around campus
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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