He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
