Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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