i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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