I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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