I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
