When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
