What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
