i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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