If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
