the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think I won the penis lottery.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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