turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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