apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
