Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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