dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
