I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
