Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
