Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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