I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
