I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
