I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
