Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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