i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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