She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
