apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
