You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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