people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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