i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
