He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
