Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
