Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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