I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
